18. “Don’t drag Maya Angelou into this mess.”

Ho Ho Ho and Merry December! It’s been a while but if you’re familiar with Degrassi: The Next Generation’s Season 2, Episodes 12 and 13, “White Wedding” then you already know that this episode is packed to the brim with bullshit to drag these characters for…which meant editing took the better part of one of our lives as a result. You’re welcome.

Your host this week, Nina, guides us through the shit show that is Spike’s bad planning. And we’re not even referring to the surprise pregnancy (too easy). Who makes a 13 year old their wedding planner? Isn’t this woman supposed to be a professional hairdresser? Why is Emma the only person you’d confide your big secret to if you were set on your groom not finding out about it? It’s one thing to have to digest all of the stupid decisions teenagers make week after week but it’s another to have to find patience in our hearts for some of these adults (with the exception of Lucy Fernandez, who can do no wrong).

Along the way, we share our experiences with strippers, our stories of trying to dye our hair by ourselves (what else did a person do when they were bored and broke and living in a dorm?), muse on all of the things we would trade Emma for (Consensus: a Black Cherry White Claw i.e. the worst White Claw), and really, REALLY, we need to know and we need Archie to tell us – what in the world does Spike have that you can’t find elsewhere and sans Emma?

So say yes to the mess (Archie certainly did), open up a can of that Black Cherry White Claw, and never forget that Wasaga Beach is the Florida of Canada!

Happy Holidays, Degrassholes!

xoxo,

Stephan, Morgan, Natasha, Nina, and Perino

17. Hate Someone Based on the Content of Their Character

Hello friends! We come to you with a new episode covering the ONLY time Hazel will ever get an A plot, Season 2’s Episode 11, “Don’t Believe the Hype”. Natasha serves as host for the hour and navigates us through this poorly thought out A plot that takes place on International Day at Degrassi Community School, in which Hazel pretends to be Jamaican to avoid telling her friends and classmates that she is, in fact, Muslim. This episode came out in 2002 so rampant Islamophobia is front and center of the conversation the Degrassi writers are attempting to depict, albeit poorly.

Our B plot is also about hiding something about yourself except it’s even more stupid because it’s about JT pretending he doesn’t know how to sew because it’s not masculine or something dumb along those lines. Gender stereotypes of the early aughts, how oh how did we all make it through?

Along the way, we discuss Jesse Williams’ “Don’t Believe the Hype” denim jacket because Natasha would be remiss to let any of us forget it, speculate on who really destroyed Fareeza’s project (completely ignoring that they do figure it out in the episode), and wait….hold up…is Ashley not being insufferable for once?

As our episode title very clearly states, hate some of these kids not because they may be Jamaican, Somalian, Muslim, or a secret seamstress – hate these kids because they’re awful. Seriously, you know there’s a problem if Emma “Ear Hustler” Nelson and Ashley “Hurt People Hurt People” Kerwin came out of this episode looking the best.

So claim the D (as Liberty says *wink*), fry up some jerk chicken, and enjoy the episode!

xoxo,

Stephan, Morgan, Natasha, Nina, and Perino

16. C is for Craig who Choked on Cotton Candy

Hello Degrassholes – we’ve missed you! We’re back with one of our favorite episodes of Season 2 (which also happens to be one of the few good ones this season), “Take My Breath Away”, hosted by our very own Morgan! Sweet little Manny Santos is going on her first date with Craig Manning but things take a turn when after the date, both of them have a different version of how well it went. Meanwhile, our B plot involves Ellie cryptically trying to convey (in a way only a mall goth can) to Marco that she has a crush on him. But Stephan’s favorite, Hazel, may throw a wrench into Ellie’s plan.

This episode brings about a lot of different opinions amongst our hosts as we discuss topics such as:

  • Was Marco just really dumb or did he know it was Ellie the whole time?
  • Perino finally repenting for ever thinking there was a “Cool Toby”. But is it enough? Is it?
  • Speaking of, this episode is also the decline of any notion of “Cool Ellie”.
  • Aren’t baboons always naked?
  • Our armchair psychologists analyses of Craig Manning’s mommy issues.
  • Our most debated “Who was the Clare?” yet.

And oh hey, Emma isn’t the biggest cockblock of an episode! That honor goes to none other than Angie.

So grab an Edward Gorey book, decorate a locker of someone you’re obsessed with, and enjoy this episode!

P.S. Forgive us for the audio quality, it’s Anchor’s fault.

xoxo,

Stephan, Morgan, Natasha, Nina, and Perino

15. “Are we back to The Human Centipede?”

Trigger Warning: This episode deals with a storyline about eating disorders. Some listeners may find this content disturbing and we advise they skip this episode of Degrassi: The Next Generation as well as this episode of the podcast.

We’re baaaaaaaaack! Unfortunately, we’re back with Season 2, Episode 9 of Degrassi: The Next Generation, “Mirror in the Bathroom”. There’s a reason this episode of the podcast took the longest to edit and it’s not because we decided to improve audio quality or upgrade our editing software (Your move, Anchor). And it’s certainly not because your dear hosts have been trying to hold on to the last days of summer by traveling anywhere and everywhere throughout September.

No, it’s because this episode is about Toby. And…wrestling.

Our dear resident Toby correspondent, Perino, guides us through this train wreck, and if all other episodes prior to this one weren’t already enough to dispel the myth of a “Cool Toby” (a rumor created and perpetuated by Perino and no one else), this is the episode that vanquishes that myth once and for all.

Along the way we discuss important topics such as:

  • MVP side characters and our love for Andrews (What’s HIS backstory? Give us more of Andrews and less of Toby FOR THE LOVE OF GOD).
  • Our continued fascination with the deterioration of Jeff and Ann Marie Isaacs’ marriage.
  • An extended rant about Craig Manning even though he has nothing to do with this episode (because we will do anything and everything in our power to not discuss the A plot at hand).
  • But for real though, how did Toby NOT shit himself this episode? And would that have been enough to make this episode a good one?

Oh, and unlike the writers of this episode, we did not forget there was a B plot, in which #QueenBeeTerri is unjustifiably given two minutes of screen time for the rare storyline she’s featured in.

So grab a drink, smother a burger in the mystery that is Sheila Sauce, and pour one out for our girl Nadia, because we will probably never see her again.

xoxo,

Stephan, Morgan, Natasha, Nina, and Perino

14. “Sry 2 Bail, Grandma in Jail”

Trigger Warning: This episode deals with a storyline about sexual assault and rape. Some listeners may find this content disturbing and we advise they skip these episodes of Degrassi: The Next Generation as well as this episode of the podcast.

Hello Degrassholes! We’re back with a doozy of an episode, covering Season 2 of Degrassi: The Next Generation, “Shout” parts 1 and 2 (hosted by our dear Stephan)! These episodes begin with Paige (Spirt Squad Captain!) ready to pursue her crush, Dean, the soccer superstar of Degrassi’s rival school, Bardell. But things take a turn when Dean reveals himself to be a complete monster who refuses to slow things down with Paige at a weekend house party. Any avid Degrassi fan knows that what follows makes these not the easiest of episodes to cover but we do our best. And despite the heavy subject matter at hand, we wouldn’t be the podcasters you know and love if we also didn’t discuss at length:

  • Which Degrassi character we would want to share a locker with in high school (shoutout to the godawful B plot of Part 1).
  • Our go-to selections at Blockbuster, which we’ve definitely brought up before and definitely will bring up again.
  • Ashley somehow making this all about her.
  • Speaking of people that make things all about them, we also rag on theater kids quite a bit, despite 3/5 of your hosts having been art majors in college.
  • Did Natasha somehow find a way to draw a likeness between Clare Edwards and Dean?
  • How did Grandma Michalchuk end up in jail? We have so many questions! Even though we completely invented the scenario up!
  • Also, RIP to Nina, who died of secondhand embarrassment while discussing the complete messes that were Terri and Liberty in Part 2 of Shout, may she never have to hear Hazel try to sing “Amazing Grace” again.

You know the drill! Get a drink (just not whatever concoction JT was creating in Part 1, unless you enjoy food poisoning), remember that Ellie’s opinion never matters, and get upset that unlike the Pro-Voice songwriting contest, we aren’t sponsored by Pantene (but we gladly would be)!

xoxo,

Stephan, Morgan, Natasha, Nina, and Perino

13. “Excitement makes me fart.”

So we made it to lucky number 13! And you know what? We kinda are feeling lucky because this episode features the least amount of Emma we can possibly hope for (yet she still manages to piss us off this week!). Season 2, Episode 6 is titled “Drive” and your host Nina leads us through an episode most remembered for the Spinner fart that dear Marco had to unjustifiably sit in the backseat with. At least that’s what your hosts most remember about this useless episode.

And if that weren’t enticing enough, the B plot is an Ashley one, where she continues to find novel ways to rival Emma in being the absolute worst.

Along the way, we discuss everything we can only assume you pressed play on this episode for:

  1. Memories of our childhood sleepovers
  2. Our apparently collective “10th grade Wiccan phase” where the majority of our weekends were spent in the New Age section of Borders Books and Music (you know exactly what we’re talking about if you’re someone listening to this podcast)
  3. Kate Kerwin’s secret piercings (this is not speculation, we all know Kate is that bitch)
  4. Falling into a Pat Mastroianni hole (against our better judgement)
  5. George Buza’s (Atilla!) prolific career
  6. Ashley Kerwin is definitely an anti-vaxxer, y/y?

and much, much more!

So grab a can of Easy Cheese spray cheese (or don’t, because you deserve better), your Kid Elrick tickets, and enjoy the drive (in your hopefully non-Jeremiah Motors vehicle!)

xoxo,

Stephan, Morgan, Natasha, Nina, and Perino

12. “The pu**y ain’t that good, Archie.”

Happy Saturday everyone! Yeah, we’re late on this release but your hosts got a little bit lit together in person last week. And honestly, maybe we spared you.

Because this is an Emma episode.

Season 2, Episode 5 is titled “Weird Science” and our lovely host Natasha guides us through the absolute shit show that is the Grade 8 science fair. We discuss our own science fair experiences, remember the character that was Nadia, ask why JT’s tortilla tit project was OK’d at this school, and damn it Emma, NOT EVERYONE LIKES GRANOLA AS MUCH AS YOU DO.

By the way, the B plot this episode is not for the faint-hearted as it involves Spinner…and his boner.

A classic Degrassi episode such as this can only mean a classic Last Shift episode:

1. Do we talk (at length) about Snake and Spike’s sex life? Check.

2. Do we talk about different flavors of chicken wings at the very end of an episode where it is, once again, completely irrelevant? Check.

3. Do we talk about Swimfan even though 3/5 of us haven’t even watched that movie? Absolutely.

You know the drill: Grab a drink, a Nature Valley granola bar (or any food that tastes like happy!), and remember that there is no sex good enough for dealing with Emma.

Live, Laugh, and Liberty Van Zandt (Agent of Chaos),

Stephan, Natasha, Morgan, Nina, and Perino

11. Hurt People Hurt People, Part I

Get ready folks! This week on the podcast, if it isn’t the consequences of Ashley’s actions (coming back to haunt her whiny ass).

Your host, Perino (our resident Toby correspondent), guides us through Season 2, Episode 4, “Karma Chameleon” in which Ashley embarks on an ill-fated apology tour after her disastrous experimentation with ecstasy last season. Did you think any of us, let alone Paige “Definitely a Scorpio” Michalchuk, would forget about Ashley “Hurt People Hurt People” Kerwin calling her a hag? Along the way, we meet “Cool Ellie” (another one of Perino’s fabrications?) as well as Kendra, one of only two girls we ever see fall under the spell of the equally fictional “Cool Toby.”

Oh yeah, by the way, if an Ashley A-plot weren’t bad enough, you’ve just been warned that this episode contains a Toby B-plot – so pour your drinks accordingly for this one.

Throughout this episode, we discuss important topics such as bathroom etiquette, the earth-shattering and reputation-ruining power of a Terri MacGregor eye roll (#QueenBeeTerri), our continued speculation of what exactly happened between Sean and Ashley when they hooked up (Like Craig, we’re gossips and nosey, let us live!), and…The Human Centipede?

Also, side note: Shut up, Jimmy.

As always, grab a sweet cocktail to pair with this episode (because witnessing Ashley’s downfall is downright delicious), hide your hentai, and never forget that everything is always Ashley’s fault (if it’s not Emma’s).

xoxo,

Stephan, Morgan, Natasha, Nina, and Perino

10. “You may have the grooves, but do you have the moves?”

Hello Degrassholes! This episode starts with an explosion of hemp. Weirdly enough, we aren’t referring to Emma though it seems like an apt way to begin an episode where Emma’s life deliciously combusts over the course of 21 minutes. This week, Morgan walks us through Season 2, Episode 3, “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.” Our favorite episodes are school dance episodes and this one doesn’t disappoint as we discuss the following and more:

  • Jimmy and Spinner embarrassing themselves and exclusive information from our very own Stephan on Miss Kwan’s whereabouts at that exact moment.
  • Ashley (deservedly) getting paid dust by the rest of the girls.
  • Your hosts’ collective schadenfreude as we watch Emma realize the world doesn’t revolve around her.
  • Middle school nicknames and high school boiler rooms.
  • And another week, another episode we spend an inordinate amount of time speculating about Spike and Snake’s bedroom shenanigans.

You know the drill! Grab a cozy seat, grab a drink, and if you’re Emma “Hurt People Hurt People” Nelson, grab some tissues to cry into because nobody likes you.

xoxo,

Stephan, Morgan, Natasha, Nina, and Perino

9. Craig’s Dead Mom (Has Got It Goin’ On)

Trigger Warning: This episode deals with a storyline about child abuse. Some listeners may find this content disturbing and we advise they skip these episodes of Degrassi: The Next Generation as well as this episode of the podcast.

Dear listeners, today we begin our journey through Season 2 of Degrassi: The Next Generation with the episodes “When Doves Cry” parts 1 and 2 (hosted by Natasha)! We are introduced to the character of Craig Manning, a student at the school with an abusive father. Despite the heavy subject matter (which we discuss at length, so please heed the trigger warning above) and these episodes ostensibly being about Craig, we wouldn’t be us if we didn’t spend an inordinate amount of time on the following subjects:

  • The pot roast Dr. Manning serves for dinner and his use of an electric carver.
  • Our very likely theory of how Joey Jeremiah and Julia Manning met.
  • The trifecta of creepy places Craig goes to photograph a child: the playground, their preschool, and the graveyard where their mother is buried.
  • Whether or not Chantay was actually an undercover agent at Degrassi (Is that why she was there for so long? Wait, why are we talking about Chantay again?).
  • The adults of this saga and namely, their sex lives.
  • And of course, our problematic crush on Dr. Manning. Don’t @ us. Or do. And while you’re at it, please rate and review the podcast and tell us which Degrassi parent you inexplicably have the hots for so we feel less alone.

So grab a drink, be mindful of the fact that we definitely kept forgetting there was a B plot in these episodes, and we wouldn’t be the concerned and attentive hosts we are if we didn’t remind you to watch your fucking ears around Sean Cameron.

xoxo,

Stephan, Morgan, Natasha, Nina, and Perino