15. “Are we back to The Human Centipede?”

Trigger Warning: This episode deals with a storyline about eating disorders. Some listeners may find this content disturbing and we advise they skip this episode of Degrassi: The Next Generation as well as this episode of the podcast.

We’re baaaaaaaaack! Unfortunately, we’re back with Season 2, Episode 9 of Degrassi: The Next Generation, “Mirror in the Bathroom”. There’s a reason this episode of the podcast took the longest to edit and it’s not because we decided to improve audio quality or upgrade our editing software (Your move, Anchor). And it’s certainly not because your dear hosts have been trying to hold on to the last days of summer by traveling anywhere and everywhere throughout September.

No, it’s because this episode is about Toby. And…wrestling.

Our dear resident Toby correspondent, Perino, guides us through this train wreck, and if all other episodes prior to this one weren’t already enough to dispel the myth of a “Cool Toby” (a rumor created and perpetuated by Perino and no one else), this is the episode that vanquishes that myth once and for all.

Along the way we discuss important topics such as:

  • MVP side characters and our love for Andrews (What’s HIS backstory? Give us more of Andrews and less of Toby FOR THE LOVE OF GOD).
  • Our continued fascination with the deterioration of Jeff and Ann Marie Isaacs’ marriage.
  • An extended rant about Craig Manning even though he has nothing to do with this episode (because we will do anything and everything in our power to not discuss the A plot at hand).
  • But for real though, how did Toby NOT shit himself this episode? And would that have been enough to make this episode a good one?

Oh, and unlike the writers of this episode, we did not forget there was a B plot, in which #QueenBeeTerri is unjustifiably given two minutes of screen time for the rare storyline she’s featured in.

So grab a drink, smother a burger in the mystery that is Sheila Sauce, and pour one out for our girl Nadia, because we will probably never see her again.


Stephan, Morgan, Natasha, Nina, and Perino

14. “Sry 2 Bail, Grandma in Jail”

Trigger Warning: This episode deals with a storyline about sexual assault and rape. Some listeners may find this content disturbing and we advise they skip these episodes of Degrassi: The Next Generation as well as this episode of the podcast.

Hello Degrassholes! We’re back with a doozy of an episode, covering Season 2 of Degrassi: The Next Generation, “Shout” parts 1 and 2 (hosted by our dear Stephan)! These episodes begin with Paige (Spirt Squad Captain!) ready to pursue her crush, Dean, the soccer superstar of Degrassi’s rival school, Bardell. But things take a turn when Dean reveals himself to be a complete monster who refuses to slow things down with Paige at a weekend house party. Any avid Degrassi fan knows that what follows makes these not the easiest of episodes to cover but we do our best. And despite the heavy subject matter at hand, we wouldn’t be the podcasters you know and love if we also didn’t discuss at length:

  • Which Degrassi character we would want to share a locker with in high school (shoutout to the godawful B plot of Part 1).
  • Our go-to selections at Blockbuster, which we’ve definitely brought up before and definitely will bring up again.
  • Ashley somehow making this all about her.
  • Speaking of people that make things all about them, we also rag on theater kids quite a bit, despite 3/5 of your hosts having been art majors in college.
  • Did Natasha somehow find a way to draw a likeness between Clare Edwards and Dean?
  • How did Grandma Michalchuk end up in jail? We have so many questions! Even though we completely invented the scenario up!
  • Also, RIP to Nina, who died of secondhand embarrassment while discussing the complete messes that were Terri and Liberty in Part 2 of Shout, may she never have to hear Hazel try to sing “Amazing Grace” again.

You know the drill! Get a drink (just not whatever concoction JT was creating in Part 1, unless you enjoy food poisoning), remember that Ellie’s opinion never matters, and get upset that unlike the Pro-Voice songwriting contest, we aren’t sponsored by Pantene (but we gladly would be)!


Stephan, Morgan, Natasha, Nina, and Perino

13. “Excitement makes me fart.”

So we made it to lucky number 13! And you know what? We kinda are feeling lucky because this episode features the least amount of Emma we can possibly hope for (yet she still manages to piss us off this week!). Season 2, Episode 6 is titled “Drive” and your host Nina leads us through an episode most remembered for the Spinner fart that dear Marco had to unjustifiably sit in the backseat with. At least that’s what your hosts most remember about this useless episode.

And if that weren’t enticing enough, the B plot is an Ashley one, where she continues to find novel ways to rival Emma in being the absolute worst.

Along the way, we discuss everything we can only assume you pressed play on this episode for:

  1. Memories of our childhood sleepovers
  2. Our apparently collective “10th grade Wiccan phase” where the majority of our weekends were spent in the New Age section of Borders Books and Music (you know exactly what we’re talking about if you’re someone listening to this podcast)
  3. Kate Kerwin’s secret piercings (this is not speculation, we all know Kate is that bitch)
  4. Falling into a Pat Mastroianni hole (against our better judgement)
  5. George Buza’s (Atilla!) prolific career
  6. Ashley Kerwin is definitely an anti-vaxxer, y/y?

and much, much more!

So grab a can of Easy Cheese spray cheese (or don’t, because you deserve better), your Kid Elrick tickets, and enjoy the drive (in your hopefully non-Jeremiah Motors vehicle!)


Stephan, Morgan, Natasha, Nina, and Perino

12. “The pu**y ain’t that good, Archie.”

Happy Saturday everyone! Yeah, we’re late on this release but your hosts got a little bit lit together in person last week. And honestly, maybe we spared you.

Because this is an Emma episode.

Season 2, Episode 5 is titled “Weird Science” and our lovely host Natasha guides us through the absolute shit show that is the Grade 8 science fair. We discuss our own science fair experiences, remember the character that was Nadia, ask why JT’s tortilla tit project was OK’d at this school, and damn it Emma, NOT EVERYONE LIKES GRANOLA AS MUCH AS YOU DO.

By the way, the B plot this episode is not for the faint-hearted as it involves Spinner…and his boner.

A classic Degrassi episode such as this can only mean a classic Last Shift episode:

1. Do we talk (at length) about Snake and Spike’s sex life? Check.

2. Do we talk about different flavors of chicken wings at the very end of an episode where it is, once again, completely irrelevant? Check.

3. Do we talk about Swimfan even though 3/5 of us haven’t even watched that movie? Absolutely.

You know the drill: Grab a drink, a Nature Valley granola bar (or any food that tastes like happy!), and remember that there is no sex good enough for dealing with Emma.

Live, Laugh, and Liberty Van Zandt (Agent of Chaos),

Stephan, Natasha, Morgan, Nina, and Perino

11. Hurt People Hurt People, Part I

Get ready folks! This week on the podcast, if it isn’t the consequences of Ashley’s actions (coming back to haunt her whiny ass).

Your host, Perino (our resident Toby correspondent), guides us through Season 2, Episode 4, “Karma Chameleon” in which Ashley embarks on an ill-fated apology tour after her disastrous experimentation with ecstasy last season. Did you think any of us, let alone Paige “Definitely a Scorpio” Michalchuk, would forget about Ashley “Hurt People Hurt People” Kerwin calling her a hag? Along the way, we meet “Cool Ellie” (another one of Perino’s fabrications?) as well as Kendra, one of only two girls we ever see fall under the spell of the equally fictional “Cool Toby.”

Oh yeah, by the way, if an Ashley A-plot weren’t bad enough, you’ve just been warned that this episode contains a Toby B-plot – so pour your drinks accordingly for this one.

Throughout this episode, we discuss important topics such as bathroom etiquette, the earth-shattering and reputation-ruining power of a Terri MacGregor eye roll (#QueenBeeTerri), our continued speculation of what exactly happened between Sean and Ashley when they hooked up (Like Craig, we’re gossips and nosey, let us live!), and…The Human Centipede?

Also, side note: Shut up, Jimmy.

As always, grab a sweet cocktail to pair with this episode (because witnessing Ashley’s downfall is downright delicious), hide your hentai, and never forget that everything is always Ashley’s fault (if it’s not Emma’s).


Stephan, Morgan, Natasha, Nina, and Perino

10. “You may have the grooves, but do you have the moves?”

Hello Degrassholes! This episode starts with an explosion of hemp. Weirdly enough, we aren’t referring to Emma though it seems like an apt way to begin an episode where Emma’s life deliciously combusts over the course of 21 minutes. This week, Morgan walks us through Season 2, Episode 3, “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.” Our favorite episodes are school dance episodes and this one doesn’t disappoint as we discuss the following and more:

  • Jimmy and Spinner embarrassing themselves and exclusive information from our very own Stephan on Miss Kwan’s whereabouts at that exact moment.
  • Ashley (deservedly) getting paid dust by the rest of the girls.
  • Your hosts’ collective schadenfreude as we watch Emma realize the world doesn’t revolve around her.
  • Middle school nicknames and high school boiler rooms.
  • And another week, another episode we spend an inordinate amount of time speculating about Spike and Snake’s bedroom shenanigans.

You know the drill! Grab a cozy seat, grab a drink, and if you’re Emma “Hurt People Hurt People” Nelson, grab some tissues to cry into because nobody likes you.


Stephan, Morgan, Natasha, Nina, and Perino

9. Craig’s Dead Mom (Has Got It Goin’ On)

Trigger Warning: This episode deals with a storyline about child abuse. Some listeners may find this content disturbing and we advise they skip these episodes of Degrassi: The Next Generation as well as this episode of the podcast.

Dear listeners, today we begin our journey through Season 2 of Degrassi: The Next Generation with the episodes “When Doves Cry” parts 1 and 2 (hosted by Natasha)! We are introduced to the character of Craig Manning, a student at the school with an abusive father. Despite the heavy subject matter (which we discuss at length, so please heed the trigger warning above) and these episodes ostensibly being about Craig, we wouldn’t be us if we didn’t spend an inordinate amount of time on the following subjects:

  • The pot roast Dr. Manning serves for dinner and his use of an electric carver.
  • Our very likely theory of how Joey Jeremiah and Julia Manning met.
  • The trifecta of creepy places Craig goes to photograph a child: the playground, their preschool, and the graveyard where their mother is buried.
  • Whether or not Chantay was actually an undercover agent at Degrassi (Is that why she was there for so long? Wait, why are we talking about Chantay again?).
  • The adults of this saga and namely, their sex lives.
  • And of course, our problematic crush on Dr. Manning. Don’t @ us. Or do. And while you’re at it, please rate and review the podcast and tell us which Degrassi parent you inexplicably have the hots for so we feel less alone.

So grab a drink, be mindful of the fact that we definitely kept forgetting there was a B plot in these episodes, and we wouldn’t be the concerned and attentive hosts we are if we didn’t remind you to watch your fucking ears around Sean Cameron.


Stephan, Morgan, Natasha, Nina, and Perino

8. “Let’s pretend we don’t have these sh***y kids.”

We did it, kids! We made it to the last episode of the season and if you took a glance at the length of this episode you must already know it’s a doozy! This week your host Stephan leads the gang (along with special guest TéQuan!) on the absolutely bonkers journey that is Ashley “hurt people hurt people” Kerwin’s first (and possibly last) ecstasy trip in the season 1 finale, “Jagged Little Pill”. It’s the end of the school year and you know what that means: an episode where all the characters on the show come together inexplicably at one kid’s house for a party bound to end badly (our favorite kind of episode!).

Having so many characters in a room together gives us a lot to discuss but this episode has left us with more questions than answers in the way only a Degrassi episode can:

Where did Jeff Isaacs and Kate Kerwin run off to for the weekend and why is it a marital therapy retreat?

Why did Spinner bring a watermelon to a party and more importantly, why did he leave the party with it intact?

Are prank phone calls a lost art form?

Is “hag” really the worst thing Paige has ever been called?

Why is Toby?

So cheers to the summer, our wonderful special guest TéQuan (@nrmlyoga), the end of Season 1, as well as the end of Ashley Kerwin’s unjustifiable reign as Queen Bee at Degrassi (Rise #QueenBeeTerri)! And always remember to BYOTP to any parties from now on!

A B C D E FU Ashley Kerwin,

Stephan, Morgan, Natasha, Nina, and Perino

7. “Hark! The Herald Chantay Sings!”

Hey Degrassholes! We’re here bringing you two more episodes from Season 1 of Degrassi: The Next Generation. Natasha begins our episode this week with a discussion of “Cabaret”, which literally starts with the “funeral dirge” that is Ashley’s song for the upcoming talent show. How does anyone put up with her? Do panthers actually exist? And most importantly, is that motherfucking Chantay Black in the background of one scene? How long has this woman really been at Degrassi? We talk about Sean Cameron having to do the absolute least to make Emma swoon, #QueenBeeTerri having to resort to communication through tarot cards to deal with a toxic friend, and OMG TOBY SHE IS NEVER GOING TO LIKE YOU BACK.

Next up, Nina guides us through the murky waters of “Under Pressure”, one of the rare episodes where a clear “Clare of the Week” can not be agreed upon. Remember that kid who would want to talk about the answers on the exam immediately after the test was over? You do, don’t you? The image of their face just flashed clearly into your mind even if your last day of school has been 10+ years ago. You’re welcome. We talk through the trauma of exams (and having to deal with that kid), welcome Miss Kwan back from her much needed leave of absence (“New Year, New Look, New Kwan”), and once again feel the need to scream at the top of our lungs “STAY OUT OF IT EMMA!”

So cheers to the weekend, to panthers, to Miss Kwan, and to the specter of Chantay Black! And remember everyone, as Morgan and #QueenBeeTerri (if they gave her enough screentime) would say: You can’t pour sherry from an empty cup. Take care of yourselves!


Stephan, Morgan, Natasha, Nina, and Perino

6. “I’m tired of feeling like Miss Kwan.”

Oh boy! We made it to two Emma-centric episodes, one of which where Emma shouldn’t even really be the main character (because that should ALWAYS be Manny Santos) but she’s Emma so she will make this about her. First up is “Friday Night” where Perino guides us through the absolute disaster that is Emma and Sean’s first date as well as the infuriating B plot where Spinner and Jimmy get “revenge” on a woman juggling multiple jobs, a sick husband, and at least 30 or so piece of shit kids each day in class. Are we older than Miss Kwan? And more importantly, is it ESL, ASL, or “Eh”-SL? Also Rule #1: You gotta let your co-hosts know if you’re about to improv!

Next up is probably one of the worst episodes of the season/series due mostly to a B plot involving Spinner, Toby, JT, and Liberty all getting basic math wrong and eating way too much chips. We also get a lot of Manny being adorable and Emma seething about it in her green with jealousy Shakespearean villain turtleneck. How much do we love Cassie Steele? Enough that one of us had a Manny Santos blue thong birthday cake last year. Enough that several of us may or may not have purchased Ms. Steele’s Hot Lava (this is not spon but we’re open to it!) thong collection. Enough to get through this episode.

And if this episode sounds convoluted, it has absolutely nothing to do with us being drunk. That would be irresponsible. It really is all the fault of the episodes. Really. We would never.

So put on your bluest thong, grab a can of Pringles, and think about how adulthood is essentially summed up in the image of Miss Kwan crying outside her car after working too late and having nothing left to give.


Stephan, Natasha, Morgan, Nina, and Perino