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Trigger Warning: This episode deals with a storyline about sexual assault and rape. Some listeners may find this content disturbing and we advise they skip these episodes of Degrassi: The Next Generation as well as this episode of the podcast.

Hello Degrassholes and happy spooky season! In the spirit of spooky…BOO! Dean’s back! SO sorry about that but unfortunately our A plot for Season 2, Episode 20, “How Soon Is Now” involves the return of those rich assholes from Bardell High to Degrassi’s hallowed halls for some basketball tournament. Paige is making progress with her healing journey by attending counseling sessions at school until she learns that she may have to come face to face yet again with Dean. Poor girl can’t catch a break this season.

Our not-much-happier B plot finds Ellie and Marco working on a group project together involving a perfume ad? Whatever, Media Immersion is a fake class. If you don’t recall (because Marco certainly doesn’t), he and Ellie are “dating” as he navigates his sexuality and how and if he wants to come out to his other friends. Unfortunately, as usual, Ellie can’t take a damn hint and the group project is thrown into chaos when she decides (quite wrongly and to the detriment of their grades and our viewing pleasure) that a Bollywood themed perfume ad starring Heather Sinclair was too much of a gay agenda for the Nash family.

Along the way, we tackle some discussions that maybe should have been left on the cutting room floor (but where’s the fun in that?) such as:

• Awkward group projects in school. Was it our teachers’ way of trolling by always pairing us with someone who was the absolute worst match for us in the classroom? Just wondering all these years later…
• How amazing a power couple would Paige and Jimmy have been? Why was this never explored?
• Speaking of interesting couples the writers didn’t explore and thus could have spared us from the interminable Spinner-Paige pairing, why do JT and Paige have so much chemistry though? Wouldn’t that have been fun? Just us?
• We ask this every episode she makes an appearance in this season but what in The Crow rejected costumes hell was Ashley wearing?

So grab a pumpkin spice latte (maybe with a dash of cinnamon whiskey? Try it – have we ever led you astray?), your best carving knife for the pumpkin you’ll need to angrily decimate every time this show insists on giving Ashley unwarranted screentime, and enjoy the episode!

xoxo,

Your friendly neighborhood Stephan, Morgan, Natasha, Nina, and Perino

We’re baaaaaaaaaaaaack! But so is an Emma A plot. Yep, not going to sugarcoat shit. And it is by far one of the worst Emma A plots in history as one could tell if they somehow managed to get through this whole episode. All you need to know is Emma is on her soapbox this week pontificating on something that she, once again, actually knows nothing about.

Snake is watching Emma for the week while Spike pretends she’s not on a girls holiday. “Their relationship is weird in this episode and I don’t like it.” declares Perino and thus begins our journey into the A plot of Emma protesting genetically modified foods which sure, sure, sure a pressing issue…but is it as important as dissecting the weird vibes between Emma and Snake this episode? Surely not!

The B plot manages to be more interesting and less uncomfortable, cementing this episode as one of those instances where the A plot remains largely forgotten whilst the B plot has implications that carry on into future seasons. Jimmy’s dad just bought him a bunch of new expensive shit and Spinner is jealous. These two “best friends” then proceed to have yet another fight that makes us wonder if there ever was a time they actually liked one another.

Along the way we have extensive discussions on a myriad of topics (such as 90s baby doll toys and how no one ever gifted us a Baby Alive for better or for worse) and ask the hard hitting questions Ellie would never dream of tackling in her budding journalism career such as:

• Does anyone actually believe Spike’s at a hair stylist convention? I mean, we’ve seen her work in other episodes of this show. Is she even licensed?
• We’ve definitely led you astray before but is this ACTUALLY Nadia’s last appearance on the show?
• How many of Jimmy’s birthdays has Mr. Brooks missed?
• And somehow…this leads to a discussion on cannibalism. Just go with it. Maybe not the content you came for but the content you stay for.

So as Stephan would say, “Give me a wolf! Give me a puffin!” Hell, give us some Sheila Sauce because we were so hungry this recording session we’d probably eat it, and enjoy the ride!

Affectionally, your favorite bitches,

Stephan, Morgan, Natasha, Nina, and Perino

Happy Summer, Degrassholes! We hope it’s been a sunny and fun one thus far because we’re back with a new episode about the one thing sadder than it raining on the beach day you played hooky for: Ashley Kerwin.

Nina hosts Season 2, Episode 18, “Dressed in Black”, this week and we wish we could tell you it was a treat and that despite an Ashley A plot, this episode was a lot of fun.

But we can’t. Because the B plot involves Toby Isaacs and condoms.

Ashley and Jimmy are back together! Yay, right? LOL JK. She wouldn’t be Ashley if she didn’t immediately ruin something positive in her life (beginning to think she and Craig really did deserve one another) with constant unwarranted criticism and a profound lack of self-awareness. Despite their rekindled romance, Ashley and Jimmy are having a hard time seeing eye to eye on her new look and even more aggressive nagging. Will Jimmy finally tame this shrew? And if not Jimmy, can someone else put us out of our misery and do it? Anyone? I suppose Season 3 Craig does but I digress…

Meanwhile, Dr. Sally decides to fake her death because she didn’t want to deal with JT and Toby finally getting a sex talk from a professional. Smart woman! The two aforementioned dweebs then decide to buy condoms despite their chances of getting laid being even more remote than Anchor/SpotifyforPodcasters finally giving us our promised advertisements. Hilarity doesn’t ensue as it should because again, this plot involves Toby Isaacs and condoms.

Along the way, we sprinkle in discussions and questions to allow us to deal with both these annoying storylines:

• Songs we hate even more than the Ashley one that opens this episode
• The introduction of Sully aka “Great Value Peter” in the words of Morgan
• Finding the good…in Spinner? (We surprise even ourselves sometimes!)
• And most importantly, did Toby graduate a virgin?

So grab a drink, a bowl of Jeff Isaacs’ lukewarm Kraft dinner, and remember, in the words of Stephan, THERE ARE ALWAYS FREE CONDOMS. Stay safe, Degrassholes!

xoxo,

Stephan, Morgan, Natasha, Nina, and Perino

Happy MDW Degrassholes! We’re back (did you think you had gotten rid of us so easily?) with a new episode just in time for the long weekend! Unfortunately, all of the build up and anticipation and bated breath over the last month has only led to… Season 2, Episode 7 of Degrassi: The Next Generation aka “Relax” aka “The one where we all realize we don’t know anything about Napoleon, the French Revolution, or really any history at all.” Thank you, US education system.

In this very, very, stupid episode (many thanks to Morgan for hosting this hot mess), our A plot involves Liberty overcompensating for failing to make the floor hockey team by emulating a dictator, in which the only silver lining are some peak Kendra moments (we miss you, girl). Our B plot somehow manages to be even dumber as it recycles the “Terri isn’t a professional tarot card/palm reader” plot from last season.

Along the way, we tackle only the most pressing questions such as:

• Was there no other business in the greater Toronto metropolitan area that could sponsor the floor hockey team? Surely, Mr. Brooks or Mr. Manning (may his soul not rest in peace) could have spared 1/3 of their hourly rate for this shit.
• Who asked you, Ashley?
• Could this episode have been better if the B plot turned out to be both Paige AND Terri faking their belief in the former’s imminent demise?
• And lastly, would it be correct to assume that Natasha’s summary of Napoleon’s significance in history comes down to him “trying to start some drama and stir up some shit.”? Because again, that’s the extent of our understanding. Don’t come for us, France.

So grab your finest cape, a 7th grade World History textbook, and never forget to “do a 360 before you tell the goss.” You just never know if Emma or Ashley is around eavesdropping.

xoxo,

Stephan, Morgan, Natasha, Nina, and Perino

Hey Degrassholes! It’s been a minute but we’re back with Season 2, Episode 16, “Message in a Bottle”. Your host, Natasha, guides us through the rare Sean-centric episode, made even rarer by the fact that Emma isn’t the biggest asshole for once. That’d be Spike, so…close enough.

Our A plot concerns Sean going to Emma’s house for dinner with the parents and things colossally going downhill for him anytime Spike says something more inane than the last thing she’s said. Our B plot is unfortunately about Jimmy and Ashley and the possibility of them reconciling. Ew. But hey, in the words of Jay Hogart, “At least there’s a party.” And nothing’s better than a Degrassi house party where our A and B plots collide.

Except for maybe episodes without Ashley. Yeah. Those are definitely better…But I digress.

Along the way we ask the big questions that must be on everyone’s minds:

• Was this Sean’s first time getting drunk?
• How twisted was Snake at this dinner and was that his way of coping with Spike too?
• Is Tracker played by Isaac Hanson? (We thought so in 2002 and we are standing by that theory in 2023. )
  Of Degrassi’s house party episodes, which party seemed the funnest?
• Are Spinner’s only insightful moments throughout the run of this series the instances where he warns Jimmy about how godawful Ashley is to be around?
• Is it possible Sean was throwing up because the sushi was made by Christine and Archie (Gotta use their real names for this question to drive the point home)? Yeah, half a bottle of tequila is bad and all but…could it be worse than Spike in the kitchen?
• So grab a drink (a white wine or Sprite bottle full of stolen Casamigos pair nicely with this episode), a pillow to scream in whenever Spike says something stupid, and for the love of God, just order a pizza if introducing someone you’re dating to the fam. Enjoy!

xoxo,

Stephan, Morgan, Natasha, Nina, and Perino

Hello Degrassholes! We’re back with Season 2, Episode 15 of Degrassi: The Next Generation, “Hot for Teacher” hosted by the one and only Morgan! Unfortunately, this episode (like so many others this season) is a steaming pile of garbage but as Stephan so aptly commented during a recent discussion about this recording, “We really do turn a turd into a gold brick.”

The A Plot is about JT. More specially, about JT being super horny for his science teacher, Ms. Hatzilakos aka Ms. HotSauce aka Get This Poor Woman A Drink and a Restraining Order Against All Teenage Boys Stat.

The B Plot is about how Spinner smells. Well, not really, but that’s the most memorable part about it. The B plot is actually about Spinner and Jimmy’s TOXIC friendship. More toxic than Ashley’s poetry. More toxic than Ellie’s godawful bangs in this episode.

But not more toxic than Toby motorboating JT.

Has this moment replaced Toby wearing a training bra as the most disturbing moment in Degrassi history? Mull that one over.

Along the way we ask even more important questions such as:

• Who knocked up Isabella the guinea pig?
• Why is there a class pet in high school?
• Was Peter Stone conceived on the back of a motorcycle during Ms. HotSauce’s young, wild, and free days?
• Can everyone stop looking at everyone else’s computer screens in this episode? Privacy, people!
• And how cool would it have been to see a scene of a wine drunk Ms. Kwan and Ms. Hatzilakos bitch about how unfair it is that they’re stuck working in this shitty school system?
• You know the drill! Grab a drink (or 5, to rid your memory of that Toby moment), your strongest clinical strength deodorant, a book of Maya Angelou poems to throw at Ashley, and enjoy!

Xoxo,

Stephan, Morgan, Natasha, Nina, and Perino

Hey Degrassholes! We’re back with our first episode of 2023 and even though we’re down three hosts this week, we are still here to give you everything you came for! And we’re really hoping you’re here for an A-plot about Marco that is unfortunately overshadowed by how awful every other character is in this episode (minus Kendra. Kendra never disappoints.) If that’s not what you’re here for…well, that’s what you’re getting anyway.

Stephan guides us this week through Season 2, Episode 14 “Careless Whisper” which also gives us our first Marco Del Rossi A-plot! It’s been a while since Ellie and Marco told each other they like one another and Ellie wants to take their friendship to the next level. However, Marco has a secret and his friends and Ellie are damn well making sure he doesn’t have the space and time to come to terms with it in peace.

That said, THIS IS AN EMMA-FREE EPISODE. We repeat: THIS IS AN EMMA-FREE EPISODE. Yes, there’s still Toby but we can’t have it all and a small win is still a win. Speaking of small wins, how nice was it to see Kendra completely destroy any shred of self-esteem Toby may ever have had with just an eye-roll? #JusticeForKendra #WhereIsKendra

Along the way we discuss a myriad of topics that mostly have nothing to do with the episode:

• Our worst crash and burn relationships.
• Do you really need to play shirts and skins when there’s only 4 people playing?
• How did the Gulf War end? Are we smarter when we’re drinking?
• Would an air fryer change Kate Kerwin’s life? We think so.
• Do we talk at length about our favorite Degrassi mom (hence the episode title) despite her not being in the episode? Yes, and we have nothing to apologize for!
• Oh hey, nice to see you again, Dr. Sally!
• And yes, we still found a way to drag Emma in an Emma-free episode. Old habits die hard.

So grab a glass of water from the upstairs kitchen at Ashley’s house, decorate your crush’s locker to their dismay (quite the theme this season!), and never forget that we don’t need an excuse to name an episode after Kate Kerwin.

xoxo,

Stephan, Morgan, Natasha, Nina, and Perino

Ho Ho Ho and Merry December! It’s been a while but if you’re familiar with Degrassi: The Next Generation’s Season 2, Episodes 12 and 13, “White Wedding” then you already know that this episode is packed to the brim with bullshit to drag these characters for…which meant editing took the better part of one of our lives as a result. You’re welcome.

Your host this week, Nina, guides us through the shit show that is Spike’s bad planning. And we’re not even referring to the surprise pregnancy (too easy). Who makes a 13 year old their wedding planner? Isn’t this woman supposed to be a professional hairdresser? Why is Emma the only person you’d confide your big secret to if you were set on your groom not finding out about it? It’s one thing to have to digest all of the stupid decisions teenagers make week after week but it’s another to have to find patience in our hearts for some of these adults (with the exception of Lucy Fernandez, who can do no wrong).

Along the way, we share our experiences with strippers, our stories of trying to dye our hair by ourselves (what else did a person do when they were bored and broke and living in a dorm?), muse on all of the things we would trade Emma for (Consensus: a Black Cherry White Claw i.e. the worst White Claw), and really, REALLY, we need to know and we need Archie to tell us – what in the world does Spike have that you can’t find elsewhere and sans Emma?

So say yes to the mess (Archie certainly did), open up a can of that Black Cherry White Claw, and never forget that Wasaga Beach is the Florida of Canada!

Happy Holidays, Degrassholes!

xoxo,

Stephan, Morgan, Natasha, Nina, and Perino

Hello friends! We come to you with a new episode covering the ONLY time Hazel will ever get an A plot, Season 2’s Episode 11, “Don’t Believe the Hype”. Natasha serves as host for the hour and navigates us through this poorly thought out A plot that takes place on International Day at Degrassi Community School, in which Hazel pretends to be Jamaican to avoid telling her friends and classmates that she is, in fact, Muslim. This episode came out in 2002 so rampant Islamophobia is front and center of the conversation the Degrassi writers are attempting to depict, albeit poorly.

Our B plot is also about hiding something about yourself except it’s even more stupid because it’s about JT pretending he doesn’t know how to sew because it’s not masculine or something dumb along those lines. Gender stereotypes of the early aughts, how oh how did we all make it through?

Along the way, we discuss Jesse Williams’ “Don’t Believe the Hype” denim jacket because Natasha would be remiss to let any of us forget it, speculate on who really destroyed Fareeza’s project (completely ignoring that they do figure it out in the episode), and wait….hold up…is Ashley not being insufferable for once?

As our episode title very clearly states, hate some of these kids not because they may be Jamaican, Somalian, Muslim, or a secret seamstress – hate these kids because they’re awful. Seriously, you know there’s a problem if Emma “Ear Hustler” Nelson and Ashley “Hurt People Hurt People” Kerwin came out of this episode looking the best.

So claim the D (as Liberty says *wink*), fry up some jerk chicken, and enjoy the episode!

xoxo,

Stephan, Morgan, Natasha, Nina, and Perino